Monday, January 28, 2013
Monday, December 17, 2012
Fire at the Country House
Dream this morning: Alone, just after sunset, in a house in the
country, I sat in the dark talking on the phone with someone. I stared
at a wall papered with sticky notes and push pins. Instinctively, my
head snapped toward the screen door. I'd left it open to let the cooler
night air in. For some reason, I recognized the sound I heard- like a
pack of dogs running across the backyard.
Seeing 'them' my heartbeat tripled, I dropped the phone and my lungs worked overtime as I ran frantically around the house looking for my two dogs. I'd suddenly felt a need to keep them out of harms way. One, a rottie, I found growling at something that broke through the front door. The second dog, a lab, came up beside where I stood and began growling in the same direction. I kept screaming both of their names and for each of them to run.
The creature strolled in the room, seemingly unphased by the dogs. He seemed to grow tired of the rottie as she snarled and lunged at him. He, the creature, could've been mistaken for a handsome, thick, broad shouldered man except that its eyes resembled that of a lion. He threw one of his muscular arms in front of his face and tossed the rottie against the nearest wall, knocking her out cold. He walked up to the lab and punched him in the jaw, launching him across the room, shattering furniture. I screamed for him as I watched him fall to the floor.
In my grief, I fell to the floor myself. The lab didn't appear to move or even breathe afterward.
Tears blurred my vision as I turned to face the creature again. He brushed his knuckles against the cotton of his white, A-frame shirt. I hadn't realized I'd backed myself into a corner. He pulled a zippo lighter out of the pocket of his khaki pants. A sinister grin spread across his face. Paralyzed by fear, I helplessly watched him throw the lighter onto the hard wood floor. The wood seemed to ignite instantly, forming a barrier of fire in front of me. His eyes shown yellow-gold now illuminated by the light the flames cast. He began to laugh. The laugh started low in his throat and rose with the flames and seemed to echo through the walls of the house. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I woke up right before the flames touched my toes.
Seeing 'them' my heartbeat tripled, I dropped the phone and my lungs worked overtime as I ran frantically around the house looking for my two dogs. I'd suddenly felt a need to keep them out of harms way. One, a rottie, I found growling at something that broke through the front door. The second dog, a lab, came up beside where I stood and began growling in the same direction. I kept screaming both of their names and for each of them to run.
The creature strolled in the room, seemingly unphased by the dogs. He seemed to grow tired of the rottie as she snarled and lunged at him. He, the creature, could've been mistaken for a handsome, thick, broad shouldered man except that its eyes resembled that of a lion. He threw one of his muscular arms in front of his face and tossed the rottie against the nearest wall, knocking her out cold. He walked up to the lab and punched him in the jaw, launching him across the room, shattering furniture. I screamed for him as I watched him fall to the floor.
In my grief, I fell to the floor myself. The lab didn't appear to move or even breathe afterward.
Tears blurred my vision as I turned to face the creature again. He brushed his knuckles against the cotton of his white, A-frame shirt. I hadn't realized I'd backed myself into a corner. He pulled a zippo lighter out of the pocket of his khaki pants. A sinister grin spread across his face. Paralyzed by fear, I helplessly watched him throw the lighter onto the hard wood floor. The wood seemed to ignite instantly, forming a barrier of fire in front of me. His eyes shown yellow-gold now illuminated by the light the flames cast. He began to laugh. The laugh started low in his throat and rose with the flames and seemed to echo through the walls of the house. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I woke up right before the flames touched my toes.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Twilight : Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Quotes
Twilight : Eclipse
Bella's thoughts: "The word boyfriend had me chewing on the inside of my cheek with a familiar tension while I stirred. It wasn't the right word, not at all. I needed something more expressive of eternal commitment."
----------------
Edward: "The outside world holds no interest for me without you."
----------------
Edward: "With your luck, not even the black box would survive."
----------------
Edward's note to Bella: "I'll be back so soon you won't even have time to miss me. Look after my heart - I've left it with you."
-----------------
Bella's thoughts: "The fire threw a volley of sparks into the sky, and they shivered and danced, making shapes that were almost decipherable."
-----------------
Bella's thoughts: "It was strange. Even though he was in his bizarre form, this felt more like the way Jake and I used to be - the easy effortless friendship that was as natural as breathing in and out - than the last few times I'd been with Jacob while he was human."
-----------------
Edward: "...having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you...my reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again."
-----------------
Edward: "You know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."
-----------------
Jacob: "I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us - comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken..." .... "If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters or magic..."
------------------
Jacob: "He's like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been heathier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."
Bella: "I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me."
Jacob: "The clouds I can handle. But I can't fight an eclipse."
-----------------
Bella's thoughts: " I scrambled around in my head, searching desperately for a reserve of strength. There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs- hold them back but not end them. The tears didn't slow. I couldn't seem to find any handle to even begin to work with those."
-------------------
Bella's thoughts: "My hindsight seemed to unbearably clear tonight. I could see every mistake I'd made, every bit of harm I'd done, the small things and the big things. Each pain I'd caused Jacob, each wound I'd given Eward, stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny."
--------------------
*Bella's thoughts: "It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened, though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to fall asleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like medicine. Made it more bearable. But it was still there, I was aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me make the adjustments I needed to make.
*The morning brought with it,if not a brighter outlook, at least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier - that's what everyone always said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be happy again.
---------------------
Jacob: "I don't know..." ..."If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"
---------------------
Bella: "No, Edward. I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need... and what I'm going to do now."
---------------------
Edward: "Tell me why not, Bella." ..."This had better not be about me."
Bella's thoughts: "Everything in my world was about him. What a silly thing to expect."
Twilight: Breaking Dawn
Jacob: "You'd think I'd get used to telling you goodbye by now."
----------------------
Bella's thoughts: "How did people do this --swallow all their fears and trust someone else so implicitly with every imperfection and fear they had--with less than the absolute commitment Edward had given me? If it weren't for Edward out there, if I didn't know in every cell of my body that he loved me as much as I loved him--unconditionally and irrevocably and to be honest, irrationally--I'd never be able to get up off this floor."
----------------------
Bella: "If I don't have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, I'm demanding a refund."
----------------------
Jacob's thoughts: " It once had probably been a big mixing bowl, but she'd bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftmanship. And her attention to detail. She'd scratched the word Fido into the side."
"I was considering licking the bowl, just to give Rosalie something to complain about..."
-----------------------
Jacob's thoughts: "So the psycho was 'Rose' now. He'd completely crossed over to the dark side."
Bella's thoughts: "The word boyfriend had me chewing on the inside of my cheek with a familiar tension while I stirred. It wasn't the right word, not at all. I needed something more expressive of eternal commitment."
----------------
Edward: "The outside world holds no interest for me without you."
----------------
Edward: "With your luck, not even the black box would survive."
----------------
Edward's note to Bella: "I'll be back so soon you won't even have time to miss me. Look after my heart - I've left it with you."
-----------------
Bella's thoughts: "The fire threw a volley of sparks into the sky, and they shivered and danced, making shapes that were almost decipherable."
-----------------
Bella's thoughts: "It was strange. Even though he was in his bizarre form, this felt more like the way Jake and I used to be - the easy effortless friendship that was as natural as breathing in and out - than the last few times I'd been with Jacob while he was human."
-----------------
Edward: "...having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you...my reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again."
-----------------
Edward: "You know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."
-----------------
Jacob: "I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us - comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken..." .... "If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters or magic..."
------------------
Jacob: "He's like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been heathier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun."
Bella: "I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me."
Jacob: "The clouds I can handle. But I can't fight an eclipse."
-----------------
Bella's thoughts: " I scrambled around in my head, searching desperately for a reserve of strength. There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs- hold them back but not end them. The tears didn't slow. I couldn't seem to find any handle to even begin to work with those."
-------------------
Bella's thoughts: "My hindsight seemed to unbearably clear tonight. I could see every mistake I'd made, every bit of harm I'd done, the small things and the big things. Each pain I'd caused Jacob, each wound I'd given Eward, stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny."
--------------------
*Bella's thoughts: "It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened, though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to fall asleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like medicine. Made it more bearable. But it was still there, I was aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me make the adjustments I needed to make.
*The morning brought with it,if not a brighter outlook, at least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier - that's what everyone always said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be happy again.
---------------------
Jacob: "I don't know..." ..."If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"
---------------------
Bella: "No, Edward. I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need... and what I'm going to do now."
---------------------
Edward: "Tell me why not, Bella." ..."This had better not be about me."
Bella's thoughts: "Everything in my world was about him. What a silly thing to expect."
Twilight: Breaking Dawn
Jacob: "You'd think I'd get used to telling you goodbye by now."
----------------------
Bella's thoughts: "How did people do this --swallow all their fears and trust someone else so implicitly with every imperfection and fear they had--with less than the absolute commitment Edward had given me? If it weren't for Edward out there, if I didn't know in every cell of my body that he loved me as much as I loved him--unconditionally and irrevocably and to be honest, irrationally--I'd never be able to get up off this floor."
----------------------
Bella: "If I don't have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, I'm demanding a refund."
----------------------
Jacob's thoughts: " It once had probably been a big mixing bowl, but she'd bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with her quick craftmanship. And her attention to detail. She'd scratched the word Fido into the side."
"I was considering licking the bowl, just to give Rosalie something to complain about..."
-----------------------
Jacob's thoughts: "So the psycho was 'Rose' now. He'd completely crossed over to the dark side."
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Twilight: New Moon (Book quotes)
Twilight: New Moon
Edward- "Don't do this," he pleaded.
Bella- You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well watch me.
Edward- "Please. For me."
Bella- But you won't stay with me any other way.
-----
Bella -Where? There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to.
Edward- " Stop that!" he ordered. "Don't you dare give up!...
Bella's thoughts - I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I'd faced. Oddly peaceful.
I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway? ....
Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.
------
Bella's thoughts - If Romeo was really gone never to come back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer? Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of her life that were left behind. Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get.
Harry's heart attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me. Perspective that I didn't want to see, because if I admitted to the truth of it- it would mean that I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that?
-----
Bella's thoughts - I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much too good for me. He already knew I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he needed to know the extent of it. ....
I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through. ....
I would have to commit to this-- commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?
Would it be so wrong to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?
------
Charlie talking to Alice:
"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was...empty. Her eyes were blank.
There were lots of little things - she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finially figured it out - she was avoiding everything that might remind her of...him." ....
"I don't know... even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. [It's] not normal at all. Not like someone had left her, but like someone had died."
Bella's thoughts - It was like someone had died - like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family - the whole life I had chosen...
-------
Bella's thoughts in response to Edward's gentle kisses - Each time it was like an electric to my long dormant heart. The sound of its beating seemed to fill the entire room.
It was heaven - right smack in the middle of hell.
--------
Edward - "You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it - it felt like it would kill me to do it- but I knew if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you." ....
Edward- "I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept- as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!" ...
Bella - "It never made sense for you to love me."...
Edward- "Yesterday, when I touched you, you were so ... hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much?
Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be... quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please- just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered. ....
Bella - "Don't promise me anything," I whispered. If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing...that would kill me.
Edward - "You think I'm lying to you now?"
Bella- "No- not lying." I shook my head, trying to think it through coherently. To explain the hypothesis that he did love me, while staying objective, clinical, so I would fall into the trap of hoping. "You could mean it ...now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place?"....
Bella's thoughts - I thought back over those last days before he left me, tired to see them through the filter of what he was telling me now. From that perspective, imagining that he'd left me while loving me, left me for me, his brooding and cold silences took on a different meaning. ...
Edward - "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." ....
Edward - " It was like my heart was gone- like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you." ...
Bella - "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long."
Edward - 'Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," he whispered. "Never doubt that." ....
Edward - He nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," he said grimly. "I guess I've earned that."
Bella - I rolled my eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." ... "You can leave me," I explained. "The Volturi, Victoria...they're nothing compared to that." ...
Edward - If there was only a way to make you see that I can't leave you," he whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the only to convince you."
Bella - I liked the idea of time. "Okay," agreed. .....
Bella's thoughts - The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance,or time. And no matter how much more special, or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was.
Edward- "Don't do this," he pleaded.
Bella- You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well watch me.
Edward- "Please. For me."
Bella- But you won't stay with me any other way.
-----
Bella -Where? There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to.
Edward- " Stop that!" he ordered. "Don't you dare give up!...
Bella's thoughts - I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I'd faced. Oddly peaceful.
I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway? ....
Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.
------
Bella's thoughts - If Romeo was really gone never to come back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer? Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of her life that were left behind. Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get.
Harry's heart attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me. Perspective that I didn't want to see, because if I admitted to the truth of it- it would mean that I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that?
-----
Bella's thoughts - I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much too good for me. He already knew I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he needed to know the extent of it. ....
I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through. ....
I would have to commit to this-- commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?
Would it be so wrong to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?
------
Charlie talking to Alice:
"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was...empty. Her eyes were blank.
There were lots of little things - she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finially figured it out - she was avoiding everything that might remind her of...him." ....
"I don't know... even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. [It's] not normal at all. Not like someone had left her, but like someone had died."
Bella's thoughts - It was like someone had died - like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family - the whole life I had chosen...
-------
Bella's thoughts in response to Edward's gentle kisses - Each time it was like an electric to my long dormant heart. The sound of its beating seemed to fill the entire room.
It was heaven - right smack in the middle of hell.
--------
Edward - "You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it - it felt like it would kill me to do it- but I knew if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you." ....
Edward- "I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept- as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!" ...
Bella - "It never made sense for you to love me."...
Edward- "Yesterday, when I touched you, you were so ... hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much?
Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be... quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please- just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered. ....
Bella - "Don't promise me anything," I whispered. If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing...that would kill me.
Edward - "You think I'm lying to you now?"
Bella- "No- not lying." I shook my head, trying to think it through coherently. To explain the hypothesis that he did love me, while staying objective, clinical, so I would fall into the trap of hoping. "You could mean it ...now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place?"....
Bella's thoughts - I thought back over those last days before he left me, tired to see them through the filter of what he was telling me now. From that perspective, imagining that he'd left me while loving me, left me for me, his brooding and cold silences took on a different meaning. ...
Edward - "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." ....
Edward - " It was like my heart was gone- like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you." ...
Bella - "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long."
Edward - 'Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," he whispered. "Never doubt that." ....
Edward - He nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," he said grimly. "I guess I've earned that."
Bella - I rolled my eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." ... "You can leave me," I explained. "The Volturi, Victoria...they're nothing compared to that." ...
Edward - If there was only a way to make you see that I can't leave you," he whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the only to convince you."
Bella - I liked the idea of time. "Okay," agreed. .....
Bella's thoughts - The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance,or time. And no matter how much more special, or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was.
Monday, July 23, 2012
This Cat's Outta Here
©2012 Mika Star
♥
I'm going now. No, please don't try to follow me.
This is one path I walk alone.
Your place is here,
to carry on where I left off.
There's still too much fun to be had-
Too much mischief to create.
We will meet, again,
when your time here is through.
For now, I leave you with the written words in your hand,
my fingerprints on your heart and these footprints in the sand.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
The Runaway by Nephylim (Book Trailer)
You can also check this book trailer out HERE on You Tube.
I have read quite a few of Nephy's books, and let me tell you, I can't wait for this one to be released.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Music
Music
The following is a piece from "The Shawshank Redemption" referring to music in general.
Andy says "It is in here, (points to his head) and in here (points to his heart). That is the beauty of music.They (guards ect) can't get that from you. Haven't your ever felt that way about music?"...
"In here (prison) is where is makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget." ...
"Forget that there are places that aren't made out of stone. There is something inside that they can't get to; they can't touch. It's yours."...
"Hope."
Later Andy wrote: "Remember, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things, and good things never die."
Music is part is a deep part of my soul. The writers and musicians throughout time have the ability to express themselves in ways I, sometimes, cannot, or simply dare not. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. There are many, if not the world of people who have a song, at least once in their lives, that defines their feelings or thoughts at any given moment. Even if it is unspoken and unknown to the rest of the world.
Music can awaken the soul to memories, things we had long forgotten, or perhaps wished we could forget. Music can start a fire in the soul that no one can take away, no matter how hard they try. Yes, that is the beauty of music! =)
The following is a piece from "The Shawshank Redemption" referring to music in general.
Andy says "It is in here, (points to his head) and in here (points to his heart). That is the beauty of music.They (guards ect) can't get that from you. Haven't your ever felt that way about music?"...
"In here (prison) is where is makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget." ...
"Forget that there are places that aren't made out of stone. There is something inside that they can't get to; they can't touch. It's yours."...
"Hope."
Later Andy wrote: "Remember, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things, and good things never die."
Music is part is a deep part of my soul. The writers and musicians throughout time have the ability to express themselves in ways I, sometimes, cannot, or simply dare not. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. There are many, if not the world of people who have a song, at least once in their lives, that defines their feelings or thoughts at any given moment. Even if it is unspoken and unknown to the rest of the world.
Music can awaken the soul to memories, things we had long forgotten, or perhaps wished we could forget. Music can start a fire in the soul that no one can take away, no matter how hard they try. Yes, that is the beauty of music! =)
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Crickets Sing
Crickets Sing
©2012 Mika Star
When was it last that I heard the crickets sing?
Years ago, now, it seems, I sat on the porch in my teenage youth.
Or sleepless hours
and summer windows letting in a breeze.
The last time I was quiet enough to hear their symphony.
Alone in the still night air
with a clear head and quieted thoughts.
They sang to me as only crickets can.
Oh, how I've missed them.
(The words came before the picture, so in that respect it does not follow my usually need to equal one hundred or two hundred words)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Quotes from "The Vow"
Leo:
"My theory is about moments-moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known. And it’s these moments that become our history. Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again."
Just WOW!
"My theory is about moments-moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known. And it’s these moments that become our history. Like our own personal greatest hits of memories that we play and replay in our minds over and over again."
Just WOW!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I'm Done: Part 2
I'm Done: Part 2
©2011 Mika Star
* * *
Kyle froze the moment he realized she was standing there. Once again words failed him. Even as she stood there with an unrecognizable expression she was so beautiful with stray spiraling strands of hair framing her dark eyes and soft skin.
Normally, if it were any other woman that had walked out on him the night before he would have simply ignored her now until she either got the point, and left again of her own accord, or she would speak her mind, starting a fight, and he would leave her shouting at him from the front stoup.But he couldn't bring himself to do that to Alexis.
As many times as she had walked away from him in the past, there had only been one other time she left with that sort of pained look in her eyes. And it scared the shit of him to see it there once again.
However, the last time had been different. The last time had almost killed him even if it was his own fault. She had seemingly moved on with her life ignoring his every attempt to show her how much he cared for her as if he no longer existed in the world. What hurt him the most was that it was his fault. She had every right to do what she did, and in truth, he was lucky she come back at all.
He would drive by her house noticing the flowers he'd left for her dried and rotten having been thrown or kicked off the steps as she entered her front door.
Every phone call had gone unanswered until one day he had gotten the heart sickening message "The mobile number you have reached is no longer in service..." What was worse, she never bothered getting a home line put in.
He had started writing e-mails to her everyday, which turned into once a week, dropping to once a month or every couple of mouths. He never received a "mail delivery error" message, at least that would have been something. But no, nothing.
Three years--it had been three agonizing years since she walked out of his life. Then, just when he became accustom to his unanswered prayers, and the pain that use to wake him at night, eased to a manageable ache of the heart surfacing only when the deepest of memories were called to his attention; there she was again purely by accident. The depth of her eyes making him weak in the knees. He thought it had been fate giving him one more chance to claim her heart before he lost it forever. But after last night perhaps he had been wrong.
It had taken him a year to get back to this point with her--the way she had looked at him all those hours ago-- he knew what he had seen because he had been patiently waiting for that look--the passion to return to her eyes. After all, true passion cannot exist where lust solely resides. He had run though their encounter a thousands of times between then and now. Yes, he nodded and a smiled to himself, it can't be completely hopeless, not yet.
She had come back to him and damn if he wasn't determined to make the best of the situation, and hope she would let him heal the hurt he caused her a life time ago even if it took the rest of his life to do it.
Creeping over, sitting beside Kyle, Alexis hoped she wasn't crossing an unspoken line. The only sound that could be heard was that of her left tennis shoe squeaking against the polished wooden floor as she turned to sit on the bed.
She stared down at the floor for a long minute twiddling her thumbs not wanting to her mouth to out weigh her thoughts. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for leaving the previous night, but truth be told, she wasn't sorry. She still hurt.After four years of living with his betrayal she still had no desire to trust him again, and doubted she ever would. She wanted to be with him-to love him and she did to a certain point, but there was now a line she refused to let him cross.
Kyle slid toward her, holding her in the crook of arm, his hand held firm to her arm as if he was afraid to hug her, but didn't wish to let her go again.
She shrugged him off, but then leaned into his chest. He propped his chin on the top of her head as she maneuvered- claspping his arms limp around her torso, letting him know it was okay to hold her-she wanted him to hold her. After which, it was up to him whether or not he would partake.
Brushing a handful of hair from over her ear he whispered, his voice steady and soft, but almost pleading "What do you want me to do Allie-baby?" He placed a lingering kiss on her earlobe as she leaned into his voice. "Tell me."
She turned facing him, kneeling between his legs on the bed. She cupped his face in her hands searching his brown eyes, "Be patient, that's all I can say right now." Tears welled in her eyes, escaping her attempt to contain them, a single steam dampened her cheek before she swapped it away with her thumb.
Awe, baby don't cry. While he didn't quite understand her tears, he was content to hug her to him hoping she might be willing to make him understand if he held on long enough. If not, at least she was allowing him to hold her again.
Her chest tighten in an effort to keep her emotions in check. "Kyle," she spoke slow with sorrow flooding her voice, "I can't do this."
Kyle's heart skipped more than a couple beats, but when Alexis didn't pull away he took a deep breath in and exhaled letting her continue.
"I can't love you the way you want me to. I want to, but after what you did, my better judgement won't allow me to. For me your love coincides with pain, and until something else replaces that pain, I can't allow myself to give that part of me to you again."
Kyle let out a sigh of relief. Even though she had never told him of that inner most thought that must plague her on a daily basis, it wasn't anything he hadn't figured out for himself.
"I know, and I'll spend the rest of my life healing you, if that what it takes. The one thing I 'can't ' do is lose you again."
For some women those words might have been enough to break an iron clad wall of defenses, but for Alexis it wasn't enough. Kyle meant well, she believed, but his words rang in her ears as empty as the wind through a hollowed log. He had shattered her heart into countless pieces; she needed more time to gather them up again. Right then and there, Kyle made a silent vow to be the one to put each shard back in it's rightful place--to make her whole once more
However, in the slightest chance that he couldn't--in the dark depths of his mind he also temporarily entertained the gut wrenching thought: when all is said and done if he alone couldn't calm the storm in her heart, he would let her go, but not without personally seeing to it that she would find true happiness.
Tired from the emotional battle Alexis fought with herself she slipped out of Kyle's embrace. Pulling off her tennis shoes Alexis laid down on the edge of the bed from where she sat with her back still to him and finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Kyle fell in behind Alex wrapping himself around her, soon sleep over came him as he listened to her soft breathing and feeling the steady thump of her heartbeat.
...to be continued...
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
If I Had Only Seen
"If I Had Only Seen"
©2011 Mika Star
I blame myself for not seeing the first kiss for its emptiness. The sparks I expected, died right there on your lips. Mistaking lust for love, in my hopeful pride, I overlooked the first sign of the inevitable pain lurking in the shadows of our future. I found myself kissing you again and again trying in vain to ignite something in my already tattered soul. Perhaps, if I had listened to the truth of my heart and the reasoning of my head, I could have fled that night, putting miles between us instead of daily fighting dread of what will be heard or said.
Now, I have given you the keys to my fears and you hold each against me as I fight back tears. These demons that you helped manifest have worked there way into the heart of my chest.
Oh, God please forgive me for all that I have done, but the hollowness seems to have won.
Oh, God please forgive me for all that I have done, but the hollowness seems to have won.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A Kiss After the Rain
"A Kiss After the Rain"
©2011 Mika Star
We raced out of the movie theater hand in hand. The newly soaked pavement still held the smell of rain. We splashed through the puddles as our feet floated across the asphalt. The pure adrenaline of wanting to touch him, to feel the warmth of his mouth overwhelmed me.
As we reached the car, I pulled him to me, into a much welcomed but completely unexpected kiss. The instant his lips touch mine all the rest of the world disappeared and time itself stood still. Nothing else mattered but the rush of the moment. The happiness I felt coursed through my veins while the heat radiating from our bodies intensified the rolling of tongues until the fire of our hearts subsided enough to break the one lingering touch I have yet to forget.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
I'm Done: Part 1
I'm Done: Part 1
©2011 Mika Star
The front door had been left unlocked. Alexis knocked, but Kyle didn't answer. She slipped into the living room sinking into the soft recliner she knew Kyle often fell asleep in after long nights of dealing with deadlines, brainstorming and occasional writer's block.
After calling out to him a few times, and still getting no answer, she quietly walked across the room and down the hall. Only a bluish glow from his computer shown on the wall right outside his bedroom in the otherwise darkened house.
She found him sitting up his legs criss-crossed in front of him on the bed. The blue fitted sheet lay wrinkled all around him. One corner of the sheet had been pulled up from the head of the bed just under the pillow he normally slept on. The flat sheet was sprawled down the side of the bed nearest the entrance to the room while only a section of the comforter could be seen on the floor on the other side of the bed. His chin rested in the palms of his hands with his elbows on his knees.
She stood in the doorway leaning her head and shoulder against the frame for a good five minutes before he looked up from his laptop. He hadn't even noticed she was there, but it didn't occur to her to care. She liked watching him work.
Kyle was an author for an independent publishing company outside of Baltimore. And from the looks of the bed he hadn't bothered fixing anything after she left last night.
Within the last year, Kyle and Alexis had been in and out of each other's beds; neither of them have dated much nor have they had the desire to define their relationship. As such, they enjoyed their time together; their relationship held no demands on one another and goodbyes were never lingered on.
However, last night had somehow been different. Changing things even if only slightly--stirring something to life within each of them neither wish to admit.
22 hours earlier...
Alexis had knocked on Kyle's door shortly after the shift she taken up as a florist in a small shop just down the street.
Kyle had answered the door with his usual "Hello Allie-baby. You're a beautiful sight for sore eyes. How are you?" before slinging the door fully open giving her the invitation she always patiently waited for.
"Come in. Tonight's pizza night. There's still plenty left on the counter by the stove," he pointed.
"I'm okay for right now."
"Are you sure? Did you eat anything at all today?"
"Yes, Kyle. Stop fussing over me. You're the one I worry about all the time, hardly stepping foot out of these four walls for days at a time."
"It's part of my work, you know that. Besides I still workout in the den most days; I'm not completely inactive."
Yes, I see that. "Yes, I know, but that doesn't make my concern for you any less."
Alexis knew by now it was useless to argue with Kyle. He has probably already tuned me out anyway.
"I've got a few more lines to write before I finish up for the evening. I'll be in my room; help yourself to whatever you like.” He then turned walking slowly out of the kitchen.
"Please follow me," he silently prayed.
Alexis watched Kyle's bare shoulders roll and the unusual twist of his back to accommodate for the limp of his left leg.
One of her eyebrows raised at the thought: I'd like to help myself to you. She was glad his back was turned because the thought probably showed all over her face.
Alexis got herself a drink of water and piddled around biding time until she knew he would be nestled in bed again with his electronic companion.
She took off her shoes, setting them down by the door. Tiptoeing down the hall, she peeked in the doorway, straightening when she realized he was staring at her.
He had covered himself from the waist down with just the flat sheet. Kyle's computer was nowhere to be seen on the bed. He had taken the time to place his laptop on the desk across the room.
Her eyes examined his abs and worked their way up to his board chest, and his thick neck. She shrugged, smiling at him. Ambling over, she knelt on the bed. He lifted the cover motioning for her to join him. She inched onto him curling her upper body into his chest. She hoped he couldn't hear the steady increasing thump of her heartbeat.
Kyle's animal instinct was to rip off all her clothes and take her right then and there as she had allowed him so many nights previous. Yet his desire to hold her, just to touch her, to be genuinely passionate won over for the moment.
He traced kisses up her neck, and along her jaw line to her lips. His skin warmed as his cock responded to her hand running up and his pants leg. She turned brushing kisses along his chest. He lifted her shirt up over her head easing her back onto the soft mattress.Laying his head against her bare beasts, he said, "I noticed you weren't wearing a bra when I answered the door."
"I had hoped you would," she hissed as he licked at her left nipple. He cupped the full round breast with his hand.
God, they're perfect.
Alexis pulled him up rubbing her bottom lip on his before sinking into a deep kiss spreading her legs from underneath him in aching anticipation. Kyle smiled into her eyes before breaking contact to take his time slipping off her skirt and panties.
The instant her panties touched the floor he reached rubbing the top of her pussy, snaking one finger into her wetness. She sucked in a breath letting out a whispering moan. The blood pulsed in her ears as her thoughts raced to what that beautiful hardened steel would feel like inside of her once again.
Kyle kissed her lips. Alexis caught the button of Kyle pants and with a flick of her wrist had it undone pulling down on the zipper. Kyle gasped at the relief of his cock from the denim prison. Each second waiting for the release had been like holding his breath underwater. Alexis rushed to push his pants down around his thighs.
Kyle forced himself off of the bed long enough allow his pants to ruffle to floor. As he stepped out of them never taking his eyes off of Alexis, she sat up take his shaft in one hand stroking it gently circling her tongue around the hole until she tasted his salty-sweet pre-cum.
Alexis smiled up at him just before he shoved her back down onto the bed, the heat building between them. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he eased his hot manhood into her. Holding herself to him she thrust upward not only forcing him deep inside her, but forcing them both to sit upward on the cotton sheets. There she sat in his lap. The motion of her hips caused his heartbeat to slow. He settled into a comfortable thrusting rhythm with her.
However, the desire to come and make her come with him soon overwhelmed him. He grabbed a fist full of her silky brown hair kissing and sucking on her neck his dick pulsing inside of her. Wrapping Alexis' arms around his neck he lowered her head onto a pillow that had been tossed out of the way previously. He took the opportunity to suckle each of her breasts, listening to her moan with each touch, before pinning her arms to the bed lacing his fingers with hers.
He pounded into her with such ferocity that Alexis screamed in both pain and pleasure. Kyle could feel the tension of her body grow as her grip on his hands became a firm hold. His balls tightened and he knew she would come with him while he lost himself in her deep blue eyes. With one final thrust of his hips her orgasm exploded onto him as his warm juices filled her rocking her to her core. He clasped on top of Alexis their hands still partially interlocked. Kyle rubbed one of her knuckles with his forefinger afraid to do little else and ruin the moment.
After several long minutes he lifted his head to regard her sparkling eyes once again. Kyle released her hand to gently brush stray strands of hair out of her face tucking them behind her ear, unable to keep from smiling at her.
Questions flashed in his mind. What the hell just happened? Has her heart come back to me after all this time? Shit, what do I say? What do I do? I don't want to fuck this up again. I might not get another shot.
Meanwhile Alexis thought, shit where did all that come from? Was there love in his eyes just then? No, it can't be. He won't do this to me; I won't let him hurt me again. God, I'm such an idiot!
Alexis stiffed under him. He suddenly felt like ten tons of dead weight on top of her. She shoved him aside finding her way to the edge of the bed.
Kyle thought to himself, do something, say something to her, Dammit! Instead, he just sat up against the headboard, feeling helpless to fix what had gone so wrong.
Alexis looked down at their clothes strewed on the floor. She buried her face in her hands shaking her head. Before Kyle had a chance to touch her again she stood up gathering her clothes declaring "I have to go. I shouldn't have come here tonight."
Kyle had to fight back tears threatening to well in his eyes. He watched her face pinch with anger both at herself and at the old wounds he had created long ago, long before she had wised up to what he was.
Still dressing as she grabbed her shoes with one hand, quietly closed the kitchen door behind her leaving Kyle in his bedroom staring after her.
To be continued...
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Would I Kiss You?
"Would I Kiss You?"
©2011 Mika Star
I would kiss you as the heavens kiss the sky and hell's fire licks at the temptation that fuels my desire for you. Lust would only be the beginning of what I would convey, should my lips ever touch yours.
Kiss you? I would like nothing more than for my lips to be the source of warming your skin, for you heart to beat in time with mine ignoring, the echoes of our pasts.
No promises made or broken, only you and I wrapped in a moment of sweet uncertainty, hoping that one kiss might lead to the next.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Lone Tree
"Lone Tree"
©2011 Mika Star
The blue sky soon becomes blanketed by rolling purple clouds as the glow of the evening sun gives a rosy pink hue to each it touches.
A lone tree appears black against the array of colors as it stretches into the sky tall and proud regardless of already being baron of most of its foliage.
If one is quick and quiet to observe there are two birds nestling in the crook of a large branch.
Perhaps, I was wrong in assuming the tree stands alone for even now there are three hearts mingled within these hours of time and space.
A lone tree appears black against the array of colors as it stretches into the sky tall and proud regardless of already being baron of most of its foliage.
If one is quick and quiet to observe there are two birds nestling in the crook of a large branch.
Perhaps, I was wrong in assuming the tree stands alone for even now there are three hearts mingled within these hours of time and space.
Breaking Through
"Breaking Through"
©2011 Mika Star
The once dank ebony forest stirs with life as the long awaited sun's rays filter through the leaves of trees making their way to the floor. From the underbrush come families of mice and rabbits; ants scurry about looking to replenish the food supply for their colonies after being stuck underground for the past three weeks of steady rain.
In the distance song birds can be heard, faint sounds that grow to fill the air. A soft breeze weaves its way into a badger den while mingling with budding flowers.
It seems sunshine can break through even the darkest of places, be it allowed.
In the distance song birds can be heard, faint sounds that grow to fill the air. A soft breeze weaves its way into a badger den while mingling with budding flowers.
It seems sunshine can break through even the darkest of places, be it allowed.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Comet Amongst the Stars
"Comet Amongst the Stars"
©2011 Mika Star
An old friend once told me "You owe it to yourself to become a comet amongst the stars." I found it to be an odd statement at first since everyone always told me to "Reach for the stars."
After a long pause he continued, "I don't discredit those who find their stars and hold onto them for dear life, but is it not true that the sighting of a comet is much more rare than the stars we see over head each night? A rare, beautiful stream of light barreling across the sky, past the stars, reaching for the unknown."
After a long pause he continued, "I don't discredit those who find their stars and hold onto them for dear life, but is it not true that the sighting of a comet is much more rare than the stars we see over head each night? A rare, beautiful stream of light barreling across the sky, past the stars, reaching for the unknown."
Friday, September 30, 2011
Rain Ripples
The second and final photo and snippet of the day...
"Rain Ripples"
©2011 Mika Star
This is probably the coolest, calming rain water photo I have ever seen. =)
"Rain Ripples"
©2011 Mika Star
This is probably the coolest, calming rain water photo I have ever seen. =)
The afternoon sunshine had given way to gray clouds and heavy pelting rain. Alone at lunchtime and not particularly hungry, I found myself fascinated by the beads of water falling miscellaneously to the ground.
Individually, they fell from the sky becoming the central cause of the hundreds of ripples forming in the ever deepening puddle right outside of my office window. Each unconcerned droplet dove in determined to created its own place in the world.
The rain slowed and just as quickly as it had hidden, the sun broke though the clouds giving the remaining ripples a silver glassy sheen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)