Thursday, December 15, 2011

I'm Done: Part 2

I'm Done: Part 2
©2011 Mika Star

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Kyle froze the moment he realized she was standing there. Once again words failed him. Even as she stood there with an unrecognizable expression she was so beautiful with stray spiraling strands of hair framing her dark eyes and soft skin. 

Normally, if it were any other woman that had walked out on him the night before he would have simply ignored her now until she either got the point, and left again of her own accord, or she would speak her mind, starting a fight, and he would leave her shouting at him from the front stoup.But he couldn't bring himself to do that to Alexis.

As many times as she had walked away from him in the past, there had only been one other time she left with that sort of pained look in her eyes. And it scared the shit of him to see it there once again.

However, the last time had been different. The last time had almost killed him even if it was his own fault. She had seemingly moved on with her life ignoring his every attempt to show her how much he cared for her as if he no longer existed in the world. What hurt him the most was that it was his fault. She had every right to do what she did, and in truth, he was lucky she come back at all.

He would drive by her house noticing the flowers he'd left for her dried and rotten having been thrown or kicked off the steps as she entered her front door.

Every phone call had gone unanswered until one day he had gotten the heart sickening message "The mobile number you have reached is no longer in service..." What was worse, she never bothered getting a home line put in.

He had started writing e-mails to her everyday, which turned into once a week, dropping to once a month or every couple of mouths. He never received a "mail delivery error"  message, at least that would have been something. But no, nothing.

Three years--it had been three agonizing years since she walked out of his life.  Then, just when he became accustom to his unanswered prayers, and the pain that use to wake him at night, eased to a manageable ache of the heart surfacing only when  the deepest of memories were called to his attention; there she was again purely by accident. The depth of her eyes making him weak in the knees. He thought it had been fate giving him one more chance to claim her heart before he lost it forever. But after last night perhaps he had been wrong.

It had taken him a year to get back to this point with her--the way she had looked at him all those hours ago-- he knew what he had seen because he had been patiently waiting for that look--the passion to return to her eyes. After all, true passion cannot exist where lust solely resides. He had run though their encounter a thousands of times between then and now. Yes, he nodded and a smiled to himself, it can't be completely hopeless, not yet.

She had come back to him and damn if he wasn't determined to make the best of the situation, and hope she would let him heal the hurt he caused her a life time ago even if it took the rest of his life to do it.

Creeping over, sitting beside Kyle, Alexis hoped she wasn't crossing an unspoken line. The only sound that could be heard was that of her left tennis shoe squeaking against the polished wooden floor as she turned to sit on the bed.

She stared down at the floor for a long minute twiddling her thumbs not wanting to her mouth to out weigh her thoughts. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for leaving the previous night, but truth be told, she wasn't sorry. She still hurt.

After four years of living with his betrayal she still had no desire to trust him again, and doubted she ever would. She wanted to be with him-to love him and she did to a certain point, but there was now a line she refused to let him cross.

Kyle slid toward her, holding her in the crook of arm, his hand held firm to her arm as if he was afraid to hug her, but didn't wish to let her go again.

She shrugged him off, but then leaned into his chest. He propped his chin on the top of her head as she maneuvered- claspping his arms limp around her torso, letting him know it was okay to hold her-she wanted him to hold her. After which, it was up to him whether or not he would partake.

Brushing a handful of hair from over her ear he whispered, his voice steady and soft, but almost pleading "What do you want me to do Allie-baby?" He placed a lingering kiss on her earlobe as she leaned into his voice. "Tell me."

She turned facing him, kneeling between his legs on the bed. She cupped his face in her hands searching his brown eyes, "Be patient, that's all I can say right now." Tears welled in her eyes, escaping her attempt to contain them, a single steam dampened her cheek before she swapped it away with her thumb.

Awe, baby don't cry. While he didn't quite understand her tears, he was content to hug her to him hoping she might be willing to make him understand if he held on long enough. If not, at least she was allowing him to hold her again.

Her chest tighten in an effort to keep her emotions in check. "Kyle," she spoke slow with sorrow flooding her voice, "I can't do this." 

Kyle's heart skipped more than a couple beats, but when Alexis didn't pull away he took a deep breath in and exhaled letting her continue.

"I can't love you the way you want me to.  I want to, but after what you did, my better judgement won't allow me to. For me your love coincides with pain, and until something else replaces that pain, I can't allow myself to give that part of me to you again." 

Kyle let out a sigh of relief. Even though she had never told him of that inner most thought that must plague her on a daily basis, it wasn't anything he hadn't figured out for himself.

"I know, and I'll spend the rest of my life healing you, if that what it takes. The one thing I 'can't ' do is lose you again."

For some women those words might have been enough to break an iron clad wall of defenses, but for Alexis it wasn't enough. Kyle meant well, she believed, but his words rang in her ears as empty as the wind through a hollowed log.  He had shattered her heart into countless pieces; she needed more time to gather them up again. Right then and there, Kyle made a silent vow to be the one to put each shard back in it's rightful place--to make her whole once more

However, in the slightest chance that he couldn't--in the dark depths of his mind he also temporarily entertained the gut wrenching thought: when all is said and done if he alone couldn't calm the storm in her heart, he would let her go, but not without personally seeing to it that she would find true happiness.

Tired from the emotional battle Alexis fought with herself she slipped out of Kyle's embrace. Pulling off her tennis shoes Alexis laid down on the edge of the bed from where she sat with her back still to him and finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep. Kyle fell in behind Alex wrapping himself around her, soon sleep over came him as he listened to her soft breathing and feeling the steady thump of her heartbeat. be continued...

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